After years of therapy – It feels like I’m back to square one.
I was sexually abused by my narcissistic father when I was around 6 years old.
He wasn’t the first to sexually abuse me. It happened 3 more times. With 3 different people. 2 of them which have died, some years ago.
My mother knew about some. Never did anything about it.
I moved to London when I was 18. After years of homelessness, getting fired from job to job, going into therapy, making a career, meeting many lovers…After 11 years in London between drugs, alcohol, sex-addiction and more, I finally decided to move back somewhere in the Mediterranean. Where I was born.
My mom and my dad sold all properties that were supposed to be inherited by us (brothers&sisters). Cashed in the money.
None of us saw a dime.
My sister is raising children in poverty. My brother is in a loveless parenthood relationship with a girl that’s affected with OCD.
I now am back in the Mediterranean. Having to sublet my flat on Airbnb just to pay the rent.
I am almost 30. Don’t have a place where I can call ‘home’, or come back for a while.
My rental term ends in March. Please pray for me, whether you’re religious or not. Pray for me, send good energies, in love and light.
I wish to be able to let this go. And I can’t. I know I should – but damn, I can’t 🙁
I need to get a job. Buy a small boat where I can live. And be alone in silence and recovery, for while.
I want to be me, again 🙁 I miss me. I miss what I used to be. The way I coped with my problems and fought back.
Now it feels like all energies are abandoning me.
Love you all. ALL.