I Don’t Know Anymore…

I’m honestly at my ropes end right now with my girlfriend. I’m not even so sure if I want to continue this relationship because of how stressful it is and it just isn’t any good on my health. Perhaps that sounds a bit melodramatic, but I’ve had plenty of time for me to think about how I feel and I can say that the feeling is right. She and I have been together for three months and I’ve always been a walking doormat to people, I recently showed some spine and cut two people out of my life because of their treatment of me. At first, I believed that my girlfriend could do no wrong, after all, she is the person I love with all my heart and it’s no use loving people if you can’t love their flaws too.

However, I think that once again I’ve been much to lenient with how I feel about the things that she does. For some, it seems like little things, but for me the little things matter. It’s nothing like she didn’t say hello to me one morning or anything like that, so there’s that. To put it simply, I’ll bullet list it.

-Gets angry at me for raising my voice in the slightest because it triggers her, but has no problem yelling at me over stupid things

-When I try to tell her about my feelings she’ll literally just tell me to get over it like it’s nothing. Does she really think that “Get over it” is going to fix 10+ years of trauma and damage?

-When I try to talk she always interrupts me, but when I do it she gets upset and says it triggers her because she feels she isn’t being heard

-I know for a fact that she thinks I’m stupid. How do I know this? Because she has said to me “I’m use to being the smart one in the relationship anyway.” and when I got angry about it she said “What? I’m just saying the truth”

-We got into a big argument where I wanted to leave behind a group of people and what we use to do because I personally was tired of it. She then proceeded to get upset because I wasn’t doing what she told me to do, used my made family and children against me, and wouldn’t shut up about the situation and blamed her panic attacks on me

-I can’t tell her she’s doing anything wrong because if I do it ends up in a relationship, but she can do it to me no problem

-She’s just so damn disrespectful! I tried to defend her against my family and she told me to shut up! Not only that, when I was talking with someone she had the nerve to kick me and get surprised when I reacted badly to it, like I was suppose to be okay with the fact she just hit me to get my attention instead of acting like an adult and tapping my shoulder or calling my name. She does the same shit to her family where she’s extremely rude to them and then tries to make it better by saying it’s because they abused her when she was younger. I was abused by my family too, I still am, but you don’t see me talking to them like they’re beneath me, like they’re the child and I’m the adult

-The way that she talks to my Niece irritates me to no end. My niece’s car seat moved and touched her because my step dad turned, and with anger and malice she said “____, stop touching me.”, and both my niece and I said it was just th

-The way that she talks to my niece irritates me to no end. My niece’s car seat moved and touched her because my step dad turned, and with anger and malice she said “____, stop touching me.”, and both my niece and I said it was just the chair. Now mind you, she’s only five, she shouldn’t have to justify herself to someone who doesn’t even live with us, and defiantly with a face that says that the voice my girlfriend used scared her

-She uses the “You won’t hurt me, you love me too much” way to often in my opinion. If she hits me again, I hope she knows that tough love is a thing and I’m not afraid of hitting her.

-I can buy something or make something and know that it belongs to me, but she doesn’t listen to me when she’s over at my house. For instance
-I have a mud mask that cost me over $17, I told her not to touch it but next thing I know she has it on her face and is asking me how long to keep it on.
-I told her not to touch the laundry I was drying because I’m allergic to animal dander and she had yet to take a shower to get rid of it
-I wrote a story and showed it to her, I like it when things are finished and it was still in the works, I had to fucking argue with her for close to half an hour just for her to listen to me when I asked her to delete what I sent her so I could finish and send her the finish version

-She always has something to say about the things I do but gets mad at me when I say something about the things she does. She’s extremely bossy to boot and in my opinion it isn’t cute.

There’s plenty more to tell about but I’m so tired, I just wish she would stop. I’m at my ropes end with her, and I really hope that she doesn’t keep pushing my buttons because I’m really close to loosing my shit and just going off on her.