I don’t think my only friend likes me

I feel like my only friend (and yes, I do mean only), likes me because he feels bad for me. He knows everything about my horrible life: abusive and homophobic parents, severe chronic depression, etc, and he used to be my boyfriend, which made me not depressed for the first time in my life. I stupidly belived he actually liked me, when I know I’m very annoying to be around because I don’t know how to act socially due to almost never talking to anyone. A few months later he broke up with me, which made me more depressed than I’ve ever been

However, he still tries to make me feel better, and let’s me talk about how I feel. He’s helped me get through tough times, but I feel like he only does anything for me because he feels bad for my horrible life, and because he feels guilty because of how the breakup hurt me.

General

COMMENT

  1. Anonymous says:

    It’s probably true. But you make it sound like he’s a bad guy for doing it, why? He’s not the problem. You are blessed to have some support. You have deeply entrenched screwed up feelings and by looking at the world like it never seems to appreciate you, shall only make you realize: what exactly do you appreciate about it?
    It isn’t fair, but the world functions this way. The sooner you face up to the inner torment, the sooner you’ve finally had e(god-damn)nough and accept responsibility for it, the sooner your dependency on others to fulfill your void will evolve into survivors strength.
    You do not have to sacrifice who you are to be part of the world, but if you make no sacrifice at all, YOU end up becoming the sacrifice and I don’t mean like jesus. I mean pieces of you will keep getting taken until you realize what it is you need to do if you stop using your mouth to get what you want; emotionally, physically and materially.

  2. Anonymous says:

    You sound like an emotional leach and someone who thinks they deserve something for nothing. If you have no friends, you have earned no friends. And if you have no friends, you’d be a terrible friend to the only one you had, inherently expecting that person to fill all your needs. Total dependency. It’s pitiful. Of course he doesn’t consider you an equal. You aren’t. You should be happy that he seems to care at all and then get down to the business of becoming an adult. If your life is shitty, you are the ONLY person who can fix it, and that doesn’t require anyone else. That doesn’t need support. It needs you to have some grit, go it alone for a while, and EARN some respect from someone. Try DOING something. The shortest path to self-esteem is making something or helping someone. Lots of people have it worse than you and turn their lives into something fulfilling. Maybe you never learned how to work hard. Maybe you never learned that fear is what growing feels like and that being an adult doesn’t happen in an emotional womb, separate from consequence. The first time you ride a bike it’s scary. The first time you swim. The first time you get up in front of class. The first time you kiss. The first job interview. Progress requires intentionally feeling fear and character is built on overcoming it.