I hate going out as a girl

I’m a 15 year old girl and I once again experienced street harassment.
The worst thing about it other than the fear you feel at the moment is the feeling of disgust and guilt it leaves you with.
It happened hours ago but I still feel so dirty and like I did something to deserve that.
I was just walking with my family
I didn’t do anything to deserve that
So why? What reasons do they have to do that?
I don’t like the feeling of being perceived as a fucking object to men. Especially older men.
It leaves me with the need to rip my skin off and distort it in such way that no one will ever find me desirable ever again. To make myself as ugly as possible, to hide every inch of my body, to cut it into little pieces so I can escape from that disgusting attention.
I hate this
I will have to go through this my whole entire life
I don’t want that
I don’t
I don’t
I can’t do anything to change it
I hate this feeling of helplessness
It’s like I know I don’t have any control over it
I want to hide and never be seen again
I want to just be able to walk and feel ok with myself
It’s not fair
It’s not