natural harassment

There’s a bird in a tree outside of my window that is pretty confused. It begins chirping around midnight and does not stop until three or four in the morning. I googled it – I guess it’s a mockingbird that is meant to chirp at dawn but gets off schedule because of street lights. Anyway, it has been doing this for months. I called the cops one desperate, sleepless night and the officer told me that he couldn’t arrest the bird. In fact, it was against the law to “molest” a nesting bird, if I wanted to take matters into my own hands.

I ended up doing just that anyway. When I really need the sleep, I’ll throw dog shit at the tree where it lives. It seems to be the only thing that works.